Coyote Repellent

How to Use Coyote Repellent and Reverse-habituation to Rid Your Property of These Varmints

Warning:  This coyote repellent advice is not intended for individuals lacking a healthy sense of humor.

Coyote repellent products are widely available and they work most of the time, but the issue here is coyotes ever increasing habituation to human environments.  This means they are loosing their fear of human beings, and because the population as a whole - in regions where coyotes are plentiful - are not consistently using methods to make coyotes unwelcome, they are getting more and more habituated.

Specifically, their ever increasing habituation is brought on by their ability to dine on tasty scraps, cat and dog meat, and pet food that are readily available around homes, farms and ranches, enticing them to lounge around in the comfort of our cozy little communities.

Although you can be arrested for animal harassment (more on this in a bit), you can yell, throw rocks (not bricks) and use electronic zappers and other bona fide coyote repellent products to get them to leave. 

The phrase I have coined that will allow you to resume your normal, varmint-free life is:  reverse-habituation.   

Reverse-habituation is just that, the opposite of habituation.  Read the wildlife department’s abundantly available brochures (paid for with your tax dollars), and do the opposite of what they have determined - through exhaustive research - to be the causes of habituation.

Herein, I give you the coyote repellent method called reverse-habituation:

1.   Avoid thinking they are cute, and it’s really cool to see them creeping around in the woods and the outskirts of your property.  Forbid teens, children and adult Peta members from taking this attitude as well.  Instead, throw rocks, twigs (no tree limbs or potted plants), yell, stamp your feet, jump up and down - anything to give them a “go away” message.

2. Keep pets indoors – no self-respecting collie, Shih Tzu or Chihuahua wants to become coyote hors d’oeuvres. Same goes for pussycats.

3.  Make all the noise you possibly can with pots, pans and cooking utensils.  Enlist the help of the kids, even babies are skilled at this maneuver.

4.  Blast ‘em with a garden hose or super soaker.  Crank up all the sprinklers you’ve got.  If you can get motion sensors hooked to your sprinkler system, all the better. Coyotes aren’t good at water sports.

5. Further annoy their delicate eardrums with excruciatingly loud sounds.  Possibilities include: rap music, acid rock, opera, or on a more serious note, as recommend by animal abatement experts - air horns, car alarms, coffee cans full of pennies, piggy banks, and whistles.

6.  Use commercial products: visit your local fish and game department to find out all there is to know about additional methods.

PS – This is strictly tongue-in-cheek for all you literalists out there.